Hotter in a helmet?

Attention Bikers: Ride your bike to the brothel in Berlin and get 7% off all kinds of sex acts!

I know, I know, I too I was under the impression that the demand for sex (and alcohol) was inelastic. Apparently some idiot/genius named Thomas Goetz, who probably didn’t go to a liberal arts college and instead got a far more valuable education running a brothel, decided to offer a discount, and screw up the whole damn theory.

And I know, I know, I was once under the impression that Reuters actually reported news, but that’s only because I went to journalism school and had a whole bunch of purist old-timey crap shoved down my throat. Most of you probably know way better than to believe that tomfoolery, which is why you’re reading some jackass biking blog instead of your local newspaper. Ha! That was a joke! You probably don’t even have a local newspaper anymore, and hence have nothing to wipe your ass with! Ha! Now it’s sad and funny, like so many things in life…

And I know, I know, the headline of the story — “Take off your bicycle helmet, big boy!” — couldn’t be more flame retardant. The least the Reuters editor could have done is made some dumb pun about riding hard or coming as fast as you can or the village bicycle or any number of other PG-13 sleezeball lines. But no, instead we get hard-hitting neutral verbs like “negate,” “arrive,” and “alleviate.” Shakespeare had the cajones to say it like it is, or at least allude to it. Shit, the spam I get is raunchier, and it’s in Russian!

That’s it. The current “media climate” depresses me too much. I’m going back to putting “everything” in quotes and looking for a life-sized inflatable goat. What, is that weird?